Just not sure anymore

For those that have been following along with both my sister's blog and mine, they already know...but those that haven't...well, two weeks ago I got hit with a bomb. My parents are going to be divorcing.

I've had a pretty rough little time with it, but have managed to move on from that. I understand and except the changes in my family. However, that hasn't stopped me from stressing.

When I got the text from my mom a couple weeks ago saying that my mom and dad wanted to sit Spencer and I down and talk to us about something, I asked her if everything was okay. I knew it wasn't because she didn't answer my question. Not long after that, I was talking to Spencer and told him that if this is another bad thing that's going to happen with our wedding...if he would rather just elope and be done with it. He told me that the court house is fine with him because the end result is the same, but he still wants me to keep my promise to my grandmother by keeping the date.

Spencer and I have talked about the different options we could take outside of the wedding. Later this month, Daniel Rodgers (who is the person that's supposed to officiate us) is coming into town and we're going to have a chat with him.

I would really hate telling everyone that we've asked about making wedding preps that it's no longer needed because we're just going to the court house. More so upset for the family members from Oregon that are planning on visiting for this event.

I know, my parents are just getting divorced...not getting ride of the house, right? No, sometimes, life is hardly fair like that. Even if they put everything off until my wedding, I'm still not sure if I want to have it there. To me, it's a place of hurt and not a home. I have major mixed feelings about it all.

I've also talked to Spencer about having it at Drake's Creek Park (not the atheletic field) and just doing something really basic. So basic, that I'll just be in a white dress and not a major gown like I wanted. Then going to maybe Spencer's parents' house and doing a small reception. Everything is thrown back up into the air...and that bothers me more than anything...

This will be the 3rd time I've had to change my wedding plans, and I know that sounds super selfish...but damn it...I want to have my day and feel like a princess and let the world revolve around ME for once. I know that no one really understand that...but...that's just how I feel.